Cult of Man/ Exiting the Vaginal Cavity
Making Myth of an Autobiographical Life
Kofi Fosu Forson
Cult epitomizes essence of life and death the struggle between. The individual is once at war with himself. The person and individual he supposes as human is at a disadvantage whether by illness, lack of faith or confidence. Thus then begins the struggle of finding who and what this person is.
As Joyce Carol Oates puts it "Where Are You Going, Where Have You Been?"
Circumstances from which the individual seems defeated is almost always societal; sexual or religion based, sometimes both. Role in the family paves the way as whether scapegoat or defiantly heroic. At times the idea of the black sheep becoming legend is almost fateful.
The term black sheep is only befitting if the individual recognizes it as such. Most of the time it's based on the shuffling of egos within the family, mother / father ideology and what roles children play.
They meaning the children are given agenda as first child, middle or last. First borns are those who bear the brunt of much damage within the family. Somehow their lives revolve metaphorically around the family as symbols of failure or success.
At an early age the first born displays signs of what's to be expected, perhaps its his successes as an artist, musician or in the sciences.
Alice Miller's Drama of The Gifted Child explores the genius and how he grows within the family. In so many ways a gifted child is given the freedom to be himself. This can be found in a parent buying the son an instrument. What is brilliant in today's society is how the purchase of a computer gives every child a chance.
Education is exemplary of who the child is as a student.
In Fernanda Eberstadt's Isaac and his Devils, Isaac, a genius student refuses to go out of town to study with other geniuses.
This is foretelling of who the current and modern so called genius is as most young talented children hate competition. In their minds they stand above the rest. This notion of entitlement and greed has pervaded the lives of young men today.
A class environment allows for the young talent to express himself among his peers. If he's a true star he will be noticed for his brilliance given what he's good at. The idea of being tested is crucial. To be removed from society living in a room with a personal computer doesn't present the individual with dimensions. He lives a faux life creating a persona on facebook and other social websites.
As a child I enjoyed a little bit of fame as illustrator doing drawings for students or getting paid a little as an exchange for doing arts and crafts homework for other students. I excelled also as soccer player in highschool where at soccer camp I was confronted by the star athlete after defeating him the year before he swore he was Rocky and I "Mr. T". and how he was going to beat me. I beat him a second time. This was an example of my talent in competition with others.
Among a social circle the young talent explores his myth.
Who is he? Does he possess a persona? What if anything makes him attractive? Why do people like him if at all? Is he envied? Does he have enemies?
I was given several nicknames as a young student. People knew me based on these nicknames. I also wore a scarf to go along with the school uniform of tie and blazer. One professor called me G.Q. I was voted the most likely to write and illustrate a book.
There are trying periods as the individual begins to grow. For starters he is awkward in one way or another. In my case it was girls. I was torn between growing up in Ghana with Ghanaian girls, growing fond of white girls here in grade school and facing the question of what black girls thought of me. One example found me teased and taunted for not knowing how to talk to a black girl.
Early in college I fell for a black girl. After ten years of a long distance relationship I took her virginity. She died a year or so ago as my only black lover.
What then determines my cult if then myth?
I was a star as child. Famous in school for my original persona, idle , alone among the crowd, stylish and as an African who felt comfortable among a white crowd.
A depressive and manic psychosis was my greatest challenge. Within it I developed scenarios of acute sexuality, mother/son issues, lover's triangle stigma, affinity for attracting lesbians and rape victims, contrast of young and mature women.
Obsessiveness over Sam Shepard's myth and plays encouraged my own role as playwright and director. Realm of my theatrical plays explored my depression, mania and sexuality.
I found myself among the Barely Legal generation of the 90's socializing and befriending young men and women. One great affair that decade was an extra marital affair with a highly sought after editor making love to her seemingly in the company of her husband.
My sexual conquests were few but those recorded were legendary, a collection of art muses and models followed by a self induced celibacy.
Neighborhood of Washington Heights proved to be greatest test as I lived among hoodlums, drug dealers and thieves. Four years in cohabitation with a PTSD Vietnam Veteran was well earned. This was the best example of defining my myth and cult, able to test my vernacular among drug addicts, gamblers, street people as well as dialoguing with philosophers in the art world, most notably my legendary relationship with Transvoyeur's Gaynor Evelyn Sweeney.
Life in the East Village has proved a battle with an alcoholic roommate and another a recluse with a crack whore girlfriend. Meanwhile channeling virtual ghosts through the access of facebook. This proved the most unusual battle as I dealt with a young neighbor who interpreted my phantasmagorical love affair and has since been a nuisance attempting means of witchery and demonology.
Hipsters of this generation have viewed me as threat and I have battled with them in the streets. Queer culture has permeated society and much of my adventures in the streets was resisting the usual come on from men. It drew a last straw when a man challenged me to a fight. He didn't persist but I woke up the next day never wanting any one to disrespect me. I have since defined myself as fighter more than lover although I am both.
To all of this I do say I am cult and myth. The "shadow" as Emer Martin calls me.
I possess an ego. It doesn't define me. Life possesses me. I embrace it.
I know fear. I do my best to conquer it. I know love. I have potential to be great lover.
I deserve a biography of this life. I refuse to write an autobiography.