Neurosis of Self
Manifesting from the Sexual Edit
Kofi Fosu Forson
The beast that is man is prone to love but he also can kill.
Circumstantially most men are in constant turmoil shook up by a means of turbulance. Functionality is the basis under which men find for themselves a life. In this day and age under the uproar of technology and pornography a man can be content with just being alive. The living status free of any regulation is enough as there are plenty to keep a man occupied.
At once pornography was an extra curricular that kept the minds of men at attention. This played a part inbetween relationships, employment and other sporting life. As of now technology provides one with video games, texting, tweeting, blogging and activities on social networks.
Used to be a man was a hunter. With the nuclear family he was a family man, employed. Post Heffner's Playboy, the spiritual and sexual 60's and disco and cocaine of the 70's, the single man lived a life of bachelorhood. This allowed for a fun loving and free spirituality.
The A.I.D.S. ridden 1980's would have suggested a readjustment as to what the male in society was becoming. Street culture with its sex, drugs and violence awoken the minds of some. This was revealed in music and art. The conglomerate 90's had cleansed the idea of the neurotic being. Intelligence in a heightened sense promoted writers like David Foster Wallace.
We as a society were undergoing an intellectual enlightenment. What we saw in the first of the 2000dth decade was an example of the death of this. Basically we were dumbed down to the point where we were to think one hour intercourse without the male partner orgasming was a sign of potency.
That we emenated from a world of philosophy a la Roland Barthes or great American writers like Faulkner didn't matter. I firmly believe the likes of Foster Wallace and Alexander McQueen killed themselves because society refused them the right to live up to their very own choice of excellence.
What I've done for myself in the past decade is address my sexual neurosis much the same way an alcoholic addresses drinking and a drug addict addresses shooting up. This sobriety has allowed me a chance to be free intellectually and concentrate on the detail of love.
Internet porn became available to many in the late 1990's. I much like others out of curiousity spent many hours looking at porn. I went as far as to use some of these images to inspire my art work. At this time I was directing actors and actresses at a local theater. Pornography tends to numb the senses. It creates a sense of sexual euphoria long enough to deaden the libido.
I became much the sexual zombie working among these actresses. When the opportunity presented itself I seduced some of them. This continued after I left the theater and started working independently. The issue of gender politics was popular in society as the female was taking on a new role. Basically I was torn as to whether to continue to sleep with my muses as some of these situations were precarious.
Having had a sexual neurosis and needing to address the issue of my muses I chose chastity. This was a difficult process. Most of the men I spoke to would have rather slept with these women and defaulted the working relationship. The idea of having to say no to sex for the sake of protecting my art has made me the man I am.
Currently I am willing to resume my so called sex life. I yearn. I urge and I lust. It is however controlled and healthy. It is more of a consciencious look at sex not something where my sex organ speaks for me. As a man I am at a will to sleep with women but now it becomes an issue of karma, the psyche and the kinds of women I attract not to mention how women and people percieve me.
It's a great place to be as I am intellectually prone and conscientiously driven to fantasize about women. Self stimulation doesn't and isn't a replacement for actual intercourse but what if... what if I exist within the balance of the virtual and the real.
What becomes real? Do I need a woman spread eagled to perform on her? Does this define me as lover? How does gender politics come into play? Would it be probable to find a so called whore or street woman? Is it possible to redeem ones self from the physical act of love making? Does it not become par for the course?
So I live my life conscientiously aware that I am a lover capable of making love. And life circumstances will define this. But wouldn't it be more suitable to find someone who loves me and not be bent on fornicating.